I usually start a post after I've disappeared on you with an apology... but I'm not feeling so apologetic for my much needed time off, so weirdo that I am, I will apologize for the lack of an apology.
I've always been brutally honest with my reader(s??){Is anyone out there?} and this blog is also about the challenges of being an artist and making
glass beads so it's time for me to taste the bitter pill of truth.
What sent me off on my disappearing act was the heartbreak of having a "big sale" and no one showing up to buy a damn thing. Truth be told, I am tired.
I am tired of trying to figure out what will sell. I hate thinking that way - the figuring out what will sell way - because, in my mind, what will sell is boring to make and is boring to look at. I never wanted to make beads for boring jewelry designers.
I am tired of tweeting and facebooking and plurking and talking about myself and my business. But I know from hard knocks that just because I built it, doesn't mean they will come.
I am tired of blogging and blithering on and on for... no one. No one comments here so I ASSUME no one is reading a damn thing I write.
I am tired of making quality in a world where people want junk.
I am tired of competing with Suzy Q Crafter for customers; These women apparently have rich husbands or some other means of support and clearly have no concept of what it takes to run a
business. I know what materials cost; I know how much time it takes to make what they sell. What I don't get is how they keep a roof over their heads paying themselves less than minimum wage!
I am tired emotionally... the struggle to make ends meet when my two ends get further and further apart keeps me in a near constant state of panic.
I am tired physically - both of my arms are in braces to deal with the constant pain of tennis elbow as I try to type this. I am tired from the twice weekly visits to the Physical Torturer whom I have to pay $107 for the privilege of being tortured.
I'm tired of wondering what the hell I'm supposed to be do with my life.
All that being said, I have a writing project I "hope" to be paid for and I need more time off to continue to heal... so while I have a smattering of posts already in the works... I will post them when it suits me and not on any schedule. Since I'm apparently my only reader - it shouldn't really matter at all, now should it.